Tag Archive | justin bieber

Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhhh (Crap). Plus the Extra Point’s Future, Billion Dollar Brackets, and Tiger Declawed

—1—“The kick is up, and it…is…” no longer existent?

So, baby, you mean, baby, if I can't beat these charges, baby, I can't be an NFL kicker? Ohhhh.

So, baby, you mean, baby, if I can’t beat these charges, baby, I can’t be an NFL kicker? Ohhhh.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell suggested this week that the league do away with the extra point or “PAT,” point after touchdown. “The extra point is almost automatic,” he told NFL Network Monday. “I believe we had five missed extra points this year out of 1,200 some odd attempts. So it’s a very small fraction of the play, and you want to add excitement with every play.” Instead he suggests making a touchdown worth seven points instead of six, with an extra play after from the scrimmage line worth an eighth point. But, if the team fails, their touchdown is only worth six points.

You would think concussions and crime would be enough “excitement” for the NFL any given day, but I must admit I am intrigued.

—2—Ahhhh, Warren Buffett. Gazillionaire, Philanthropist, College Basketball Fan. And now he and Quicken Loans are offering a $1 billion cash prize to anyone who correctly predicts this year’s men’s NCAA Tournament Bracket in the Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge. Unfortunately, the odds of getting all 63 games right, are around 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808. That’s nine quintillion. But if you do win, you get 40 annual installments of $25 million or a lump sum payment of $500 million. If there are multiple winners, the pot is divided, and the 20 brackets closest to the perfect outcome will still receive $100,000 each from Quicken Loans to purchase or remodel a home or refinance a mortgage. Contest starts March 3.

—3—There are two new sheriffs in Tennis Town. If tennis players wore hats, spurs and funny mustaches. China’s Li Na had been contemplating retirement, but defeated Dominika Cibulkova (who had ousted #3 Maria Sharapova) for the Australian Open crown, and at 31 became the oldest women’s champion in the Open Era. Known for her funny remarks in broken English, Li joked in post-match interviews about her husband and his snoring, and thanked her agent “for making me rich.”

On the men’s side, it was Switzerland’s #8 Stanislas Wawrinka who finally hoisted the trophy after defeating #1 Rafael Nadal. Nadal had previously knocked out Roger Federer to reach the Australian Open final for the third time. It would have been Rafa’s 14th Grand Slam title. But he struggled with several small but nagging injuries, including a blister on his serving hand that drew gasps from the crowd when one TV camera got a little too close. Wawrinka was the first man in 21 years to beat the #1 and #2-ranked players (Novak Djokovic) en route to a Grand Slam title.

—4—For the first time in his career, world #1 Tiger Woods failed to make the PGA Tour’s secondary cut at Torrey Pines in San Diego. His 7-over-par 79 was his worst in an event he has won seven times. And it all means….meh, nothing. It’s the start of the season, and now, with girlfriend skier Lindsey Vonn sitting out the Olympics, they’ll enjoy a few free days before heading to Dubai.

5Finally, Saturday Night Live did two great sports parodies on “Weekend Update” the other night, one with Russian villagewoman, “Olya Povlatsky.” “So Olya, are your surprised the Olympics are coming to Russia?” “I surprised anyone would come to Russia…What was the other options, Haiti or middle of ocean?” The other had Kenan Thompson playing the Miami police officer who arrested Justin Bieber for drinking and drag racing. “You must have been shocked to pull someone over and discover it was Justin Bieber.” “Oh Cecily, I work in Miami. Nothin’ shocks me. When I pull somebody over, they usually got a tiger in the back seat, and an alligator in the trunk to guard their cocaine. It’s the only city where NBA players are the best behaved people.”

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Justin Bieber Takes my Basketball, U.S. Soccer vs. the Scut Farkus Affair, & Lip-Sync Love for Auburn

1—Two things confused me Friday night at the sports bar. 1) Why was Justin Bieber suddenly singing where my Kentucky-Baylor hoops game had been? And 2) When I checked my phone, how had said Kentucky hoops game leapt from the first half to four overtimes?

Say "uncle," America!

Say “uncle,” America!

Then I pieced it together. It was after midnight, thus the Bieber Fever, when the sports bar in my Millennial mecca of Arlington, Virginia, becomes a nightclub (and I start getting “ma’am-ed”). And the UK men had been playing so late because the #5 Kentucky women’s hoops team had battled #9 Baylor before the guys to win 133-130 at the same Dallas venue.

Yes I, a female sports blogger, saw the score on my phone and immediately assumed it was the #3 UK guys (who lost, coincidentally, to the #20 Baylor men). Shame on me because the ladies put up record-breaking numbers: Baylor’s Odyssey Sims scored 47 points, and UK’s Jennifer O’Neill 43, a career high—and she didn’t even start! Altogether, it was the highest-scoring Division I women’s game in history.

2—Auburn topped Missouri Saturday for the SEC title and a berth in the national championship, but fans are still talking about last week’s victory over Alabama. Auburn radio announcer Rod Bramblett’s joyous, “Oh, my Lord in heaven!”  ecstasy over Auburn’s last-second touchdown return has been lauded and played so often, fans have it memorized, including 21-year-old Kaitlyn Reed, who recreates the entire sequence spot-on in this video.

3—The 2014 Men’s Soccer World Cup had its group drawings in host country Brazil Friday, determining which teams will play whom in the first rounds. Team USA landed in Group G, which could be described as something like the movie “A Christmas Story”: the U.S. is Ralphie and pretty much everyone else is Scut Farcus. Group G’s other three teams are #2 Germany, #5 Portugal and #24 Ghana (the U.S. is #14). It’s the only group with two teams in the FIFA top five, and Ghana has knocked the U.S. out of the World Cup before. U.S. midfielder Sacha Kljestan tweeted it as the “Group of Death.”

Here’s hoping the U.S. goes all ‘Roid Ralphie on them: Kricken cracken goldang no good futzipuzz freckle crackle fudge fudge fudgers!!!

4—Speaking of Portugal soccer, you might as well get to know Cristiano Ronaldo now, because you will probably be seeing a lot of him when the World Cup starts next summer. The team captain, he normally plays for Spain’s Real Madrid and is the highest-paid soccer player in the world. He’s also very pretty. Naturally with so many gifts, a museum is being built in his honor.

Museums would be a lot sexier...I mean, educational,  if Ronaldo was in charge.

Museums would be a lot sexier…I mean, educational, if Ronaldo was in charge.

Except he is the one building it. Well, allegedly. Rumors differ, but Ronaldo’s home island of Madeira has announced a museum for the 28-year-old who, unlike most museum honorees, hasn’t done the courtesy of dying quite yet. In some cases he is just donating some trophies; in others, it was his own idea. Regardless, he can certainly back it up with 11 major titles and endless player of the year awards.5—You know of course about Nelson Mandela’s passing. What you might not know was the role sports played in his life and the transformation of his country.

Mandela was an amateur boxer in his youth, crediting the sport with giving him a sense of equality—your opponent was simply your opponent, no matter his class or color. A year into his presidency, his appearance at the 1995 Rugby World Cup final in Johannesburg was considered the moment when South Africa was truly united—they beat New Zealand in an upset after years of being banned from international play. Later he was instrumental in landing South Africa the 2010 men’s soccer World Cup. Rest in peace, Madiba.