Got Balls? (And Don’t Want to Use Them Anymore?)

College basketball brackets aren’t the only thing people are slicing and dicing this week—how about…testicles???

Vasectomy Challenge

Dr. Shin prepares to operate on Mike. Maybe he can afford to do laundry now. (Photo courtesy of Junkie Eric Bickel, Twitter)

Yes, today was the culmination of the second annual VASECTOMY MADNESS Challenge from Washington DC radio jocks (ha, yeah I said it) The Sports Junkies of station 106.7 The Fan.

(Want to enter next year? Remember the URL 1067TheFan.com/BALLS. I can’t make this stuff up.)

Desperate area men submitted their stories in hopes listeners would vote for them to win a free vasectomy from Doctors Paul Shin and Jason Engel, of Urologic Surgeons of Washington. The three finalists included:

Mike, whose wife underwent successful in vitro fertilization, resulting in their three kids. Annnnd, that’s enough he says. Plus having more kids would put his wife at serious risk because of a fallopian tube disorder.

Eric, whose wife’s third pregnancy resulted from a party hosted by the Junkies themselves. Now she is on bedrest with an I.V., and he’s taking off work to care for the kids—so less money for growing costs. And then there’s our winner…

Cowboy Mike, who sort of defies explanation beyond, as one Junkie put it, “dirty.” For one, Mike lives in an actual  “yurt,” sort of like one of those “Game of Thrones” tents, minus the wine and wenches.

Mike has two kids with his “woman.” According to his entry on the website, they “love the tiny bastards but aren’t equipped to raise a third” since they live on her family’s farm and she, apparently, “keeps getting more animals for us to care for when we don’t have the money or time to care for ourselves. I’ve had sex ONCE since she had the second kid and I’m terrified that the one time it happens again will lead to another bundle of endless joy. You know you need to get laid when watching a conga line of male hogs is truly entertaining.”

“Woman” has several jobs, and Mike is a builder (“but I don’t have insurance–don’t tell the government, please!”)

His pleas paid off in a live morning procedure, described play-by-play by the Junkies as Dr. Shin “assisted” this man who showered the night before, but arrived for his procedure in dirty socks.

Well, now he can get down and dirty all he wants. Congratulations, Mike!

And don’t forget, college hoops brackets are due Thursday noon ET. There are many free sites out there – ESPN and the Quicken Loans Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge, just to name a few. So pick by point guards, team colors, mascots, whatever, just make your picks and you could win a fortune.

Or at least an intensely personal medical procedure. For thousands of people to hear.

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