Guest Post! MLB Fan Chat Room

In honor of the ongoing Alex Rodruiguez controversy (he is appealing his 211-game suspension for his alleged involvement in the Biogenesis performance-enhancing drugs scandal), my pal Geoff Woliner has penned a hilarious take on the reaction of fans around the league. Geoff, by the way, is founder of Winning Wit, which helps you boost those pesky presentations with humor to “increase sales, improve teamwork, strengthen relationships and engage audiences in a way only you can.”

In this parody of an MLB chat room, fans have a go at each other over some of baseball franchises’ funniest characteristics. Take it away, Geoff!…..

Yankees fan: What’s up everyone! How ’bout that steroids scandal?
Everyone: Get lost, jerk.
Yankees fan: 26 world series.
Red Sox fan: Yeah, but how many in this century, tough guy?
Yankees fan: 26 world series.
Brewers fan: Must’ve been nice to buy all those titles, huh?
Yankees fan: Yes, it was nice. Our closer makes more than your owner. And 26 world series.
Rangers fan: Unlike us, at least y’all pack the stadium when you outspend the Federal Reserve.
Orioles fan: No kidding. We break the bank too and our entire legacy the past 40 years is a guy who managed not to get injured.
Cubs fan: Hell that beats our legacy. All we have is a putz in headphones who cost us the pennant.
Cardinals fan: Yeah, those other hundred years of futility were just a fluke.
Cubs fan: At least we’re a brand name, and have the best fans in America.
White Sox fan: Yeah, best “fans”. Go back to your overpriced little loft in Wicker Park, mamma’s boy.
Cubs fan: Oh, there he is. I didn’t realize the parole board had their hearings so early this year.
Mariners fan: Dudes, no need to argue. Let’s light up a couple blunts and mellow out.
Braves fan: Yeah, I’d need to be high all the time too if I followed that train wreck in Seattle.
Marlins fan: That’s rich coming from you, hillbilly. We’re been around 20 years and are 2 for 2 in title shots. You’re what…1 for 800?
Braves fan: Oh shut yer trap. You can’t get even 20 fans in that “stadium” of yours.
Mets fans: Not true at all. When we come to town, we pack the house.
Phillies fan: This is true. At least when they come to Philly, we’re sure to bludgeon them.
Mets fan: Hey, Philthy, I’d be a bitter, violent slob too if my entire existence was limited to Rocky and cheesesteaks.
Pirates fan: Big talk from two teams that just realized they were rivals 6 years ago and are now bottomfeeders.
Phillies fan: At least we have a rival. You’re no one’s rival. Beating the Pirates is like beating up your retarded cousin.
Indians fan: I resent that.
Tigers fan: You would. The “tribe” is always a laughingstock.
Indians fan: Talk to me when WE set the record for losses. And try selling a damn car while you’re at it.
Yankees fan: I’m amused by the rumblings of all you little peons.
Red Sox fan: Hey, skankee, how are those corporate boxes looking? As empty as your trophy case recently?
Yankee fan: 26 world series.
Dodgers fan: This is funny, guys.
Giants fan: Yeah, you know what else is funny? The history channel is doing a new “gangland” series, filmed in your left field bleachers.
Dodgers fan: Watch it, or we’re sending another one of you to Cedars Sinai after the game.
Giants fan: Newsflash for you…baseball games are nine innings. Not that your fans who show up in the 3rd and leave in the 7th would know about such things.
Nationals fan: It is indeed a nine inning game. Our six fans know that much.
Yankees fan: 26 world series.


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